Why is it so difficult to Stay Positive!
Updated: Apr 1, 2020
Whenever we are going through something and feeling negative in our life, every self help book we pick up, every blog we read or even if its a simple whats app forward from a friend, it has only one thing to say
- Think Positive.
And how happy and successful we will get if we start thinking positive.
But show me one person who doesn't know that ?
Who likes to stay negative, sad and poor all his life?
Hello everyone! I am Nimisha Soni. I am so grateful for your time and presence here.
Today’s Podcast is about why is it so difficult to think positive? and howsoever hard we try , we are unable to remain in that positive mindset for long ?
Let’s get started.
1. The Basic Foundation -
The environment in which you have been brought up plays an important part in building your negative or positive thought process. Did your parents believe in you and supported you while you were growing up, or they always thought that you won’t be able to do anything in life ? Also if parents keep nagging and cribbing about their own lives, it becomes almost impossible for a child to grow a positive mindset in that environment of the house.
After we grow up a little and come into an influence with the outside world, our thought process also depend on the exposure we get from- our friends and teachers at school. And after some more time it’s our spouse, in-laws, colleagues and bosses. and if even any one of them says anything bad, we get badly hurt and somehow we tend to believe in that and start feeling negative about our lives.
I remember how I had lost all the confidence in me as for the last 4 years I had only heard that I was the most ugly girl in the world who is good for nothing. Now when I look back I feel that even if someone tried to make me believe all this, it was entirely my fault to get caught in that trap of abuse.
Why did I give so much power to anybody else and thought negative about my own self? Why was my basic foundation of beliefs so weak?
Don’t we get affected by our colleague’s comments or our boss’s allegations so easily? and don’t we loose our sleep if the world makes any wrong opinion about us ?
We get so busy getting influenced from everybody else while growing up that we forget that the priority is to know ourselves first.
To lay that strong basic foundation which no one can break or even disturb. It’s important to know our strengths and weaknesses very clearly and work on them before anybody else points them out.
In this case if anybody tries to make us believe anything negative about us, we will not believe him blindly as we already know who we are. and if they attack our weaknesses we will not feel so negative about it as we know that we are working on it already.
So when life had given me an opportunity to lay a fresh foundation for myself, I wanted to make it super strong and unbreakable, and thats what I did. So and now, if anyone tries to make me believe that I am good for nothing I might laugh out loud on his face and will not get affected at all and would manage to stay positive about myself even after their accusations.
2. Being emotionally aware-
A book called - The Secret has truly helped me to overcome a lot of adversities in my life. It says imagine your mind being a radio. Now, as the radio cannot catch two frequencies at a time, Its the same with a human mind, it cannot feel two emotions at a given point of time. When you really experiment this with yourself, you will find that it’s 100% true. Breaking down your emotions into little logical steps will help you stay happier and positive for longer period of time.
In 2017, while I was going through the process of my divorce, the only advice I got at that point of time was- “Just think positive, everything is going to be fine.” I know everybody said it because they couldn't see me sad and they wanted to give me a ray of hope and wanted to see a smile on my face again.
But if you see the situation from my point of view, I just had a tag of a divorcee even after trying so hard to save the marriage, shifted to my hometown again facing all the people I knew since childhood, everybody asking me all sorts of questions which were so difficult to answer at times, I also lost my 8 month old dog who was like a baby to me, my parents were equally disheartened but they were trying to cheer me up day and night and nobody had even a slightest idea about my future, that whats going to happen next.
So at that point of time when, getting out of the bed and facing the world was a challenge. Thinking positive was like way too much.
But this particular line from the book The Secret somehow forced me to keep a check on my own emotions. There were days when I felt super low and sad and on a few days I felt a little better. I started reasoning every emotion of mine.
When I felt low and negative- I kept questioning myself till I didn't get to the root cause of that particular feeling. Now the next step was to see if I could do anything about that situation. If Yes, I would start doing that without any further delay and if No, then I would force my mind to stop thinking about it.
It was a thousand times harder than it seems right now when I talk about it now. But that was the choice I made for myself. and I think thats the best choice I have ever made in my life.
Even on the days when I felt happy, I started to question myself that why am I feeling better.? did I do anything in particular to make myself happy today? and after the whole brain storming session with my own self, I came to to these little conclusions like I woke up early and exercised a little, may be because I met my cousin or a friend, or it could be completing an order on time and getting good reviews about my work. After analysing for a few happy days, I had a list of things that made me feel better and positive about my life. So now at least I knew what exactly was to be done to get more happy and positive days.
This continuous practice of analysing of emotions has given me a good control over my own mind which was actually needed to live a much positive and peaceful life. And obviously all of this didn't happen overnight, it took me around one and a half to 2 years to bring this kind of transformation.
A huge transformation starts with these small changes in life. of course making these small changes is very challenging.
But as they say, If it doesn't challenge you, it wont change you.
3. Do not take Social Media too seriously -
When we are already feeling so negative about our life, we feel all the more miserable about our situation when we see such happy pictures of our Facebook & Instagram friends. Somebody is either out for a vacation, eating in a great restaurant, getting married, or having babies. And you are scrolling endlessly in your mobile screen in your messed up room. It hurts.. isn't it ?
Everyone’s life has their own cycle of ups and downs, everyone has their own set of struggles and pains. And obviously people do not show their vulnerable side on social media.
Be immune when you look at those happy pictures, because -
No.1- If other person’s happiness bothers you so much that means there is something wrong with your own mindset.
No.2- Its time to focus on your own life and try to make it better each day rather than feeling more negative about your own life.
4. Write your own story.
If you are asked to narrate a story about your life to anyone, where will you place yourself in that story ? Will you portray yourself as a Hero or you will keep cribbing the whole time as a Victim.
If your answer is - Hero- you will get more solutions to your problems as a hero. and if you place yourself as a victim, universe will definitely give you more reasons to crib for.
Our character or personality as a whole is not built in a day, its a perfect mixture of good and bad experiences. Embrace them and move on.
5. Stop washing your dirty linen in public.
Every time you repeat the story in front of anyone, its like living it one more time. Whatever has happened has happened, its not going to change. Nobody else would be able to feel your joy or pain the way you do. It’s your life. I understand it’s important to vent out sometimes and it helps. and you have your best friends for that. You call them a thousand times at any hour of the day and they can listen to you.
But at least don’t be that person whose calls or visits scare people. Don’t we have a few people in life who are not that close to us, and as soon as their name flashes on our mobile screen, our first reaction is how should we avoid them, as we know that they will not follow whatever advice you give them, they will not take any action towards their own betterment, but in that 20 minute conversation the only thing they will do is to crib and complain.
You feel so frustrated, dull and negative about your own life after talking to them that the best thing is to ignore them after a certain point of time.
So limit the number of people with whom your share the problems of your life. because honestly nobody is interested as everybody has got their own.
6. It’s just the situation, Not You.
Our past experiences plays a major role as we have seen a series of unfortunate events hurtful failures in our life that its next to impossible to think positive all of sudden and when we think negative for a long period of time, it becomes a part of our basic nature.
Gradually you start feeling that you are a very negative person - “I can never be happy again. Nothing can go right in my life. God is so kind to other people, but I am the only one facing all the problems here.”
It is a phase and it will pass.
Don’t make it about yourself. It’s the situation, not You.
7. Some ME time -
Take out sometime for yourself during the day, write down whatever is going on in your mind, vent out all the negativity, then don’t read it again and again, just tear it into pieces and throw it in the trash can.
Now visualise yourself in your kind of perfect life which you want for yourself. Some me time is the need of the hour, which can also be used to do something you love. may be to dance, paint, read or a little stroll in the park and it will rewire the entangled wires within. That little break from the daily race of life is very important to keep a check, that at least we are running in the right direction which leads to a happy and positive life.
It’s like you have 2 plants in your mind and the one which you nourish more with the fuel of your thoughts, time and energy will grow, flourish and will remain with you for longer. Choice is yours to make.
Any book, blog or podcast can only guide you a little, but at the at the end of the day it’s your own journey which nobody else can live for you.
Wish you lots of optimism, patience, and faith in that supreme power you believe in and I assure you that positivity will follow.