Impacts of being in an Unhealthy Relationship -
Updated: May 6, 2020
Times have changed drastically. We have completely evolved in the ways in which we choose our life partners. Now we have more freedom to talk more often, spend more time with each other and basically know a person before we enter into a serious relationship or say a final yes to get married. But even after so much of independence and liberty added into the process, why more and more number of people are unhappy in their relationship or marriage.
Hi! I am Nimisha Soni, today, let’s discuss how being into an unhappy relationship is impacting us on our personal, professional, physical, emotional and mental level.
1. Your Individuality Suffers-
Individuality is something which differentiates you from the rest of the world. Some of your very strong characteristics which makes you- You !
May be you are a great host or you are very warm with people, or you greet everyone with a big smile on your face, everything is a part of our individuality.
How the company of your partner has affected you is clearly visible when you keep a close watch on your individuality. Do you feel more warm towards everyone around you or have you become colder? Do you feel more encouraged in life or more demotivated? Do you have more peace of mind or you are more restless all day long? Are you becoming calmer or you feel frustrated and are easily irritated ?
I have seen myself transforming from a very happy individual to a completely frustrated human when I was completely lonely in my marriage. I was the one who could dance to any random tune earlier but now even the best beats would not let my feet move. I used to be an extrovert, but eventually I started to avoid people as I was so frustrated all the time and didn't even feel like talking to anyone.
In a marriage, there is a complete unsaid give and receive transaction going on all the time and if only one of the partners keeps giving , it’s natural for him to feel frustrated after some time.
So please keep a check on what kind of a person are you becoming. Are you transforming for the better or for the worse. Are you evolving to become a stronger and kinder individual with better acumen or are you getting more confused and unconfident day by day.
2. Your Body Starts Talking for Itself-
Do you feel energetic or more drained out when you are with your partner ? Some people when in stress, lose weight, some people gain weight. My stress was a trigger for my asthma, since I entered into an abusive relationship I had to take inhaler every single day, sometimes twice a day and now when I am genuinely happy from within, I have not even touched it since last 1 year.
So, it varies from person to person but there is some or the other outcome of our stress which is clearly visible on our body. I feel it’s mostly related to the level of security we feel psychologically.
That feeling that whatsoever happens in life, your partner is just there for you, either you succeed or you fail in your professional life, the world might change its perspective towards you but he will support you and both of you will fight for the betterment of your lives together.
3. Body language.
When they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul its never an exaggeration.
The glow on our face can still be because of our genes and our diet, but the spark in our eyes can never lie. Not for the world this time, just look in eyes in the mirror for yourself. Do they look as happy as they used to be before being into a relationship with your partner.
Is your body language more confident or it has become worse, as you are used to feel so dull and hesitant from within ?
4. Your Focus is Divided-
If you really want to make it work and you are not getting the equal amount of response from your partner, then instead of focusing on anything productive, all you can think of is how to get his attention.
But there is something wrong with your relationship if you have to crave for that attention so much.
I understand if its for a day or two when someone can be genuinely busy but if being busy and avoiding or ignoring you has become a part of his/her lifestyle, then you will have to look for the problem at the deeper level. If you are his priority he will definitely make sure that he takes out some time for you, at least to convey that how busy he is. You can't spend your life craving for that attention you totally deserve as a partner and feeling lonely in the marriage or a relationship.
5. Judgement game
Everybody around you is anyways judging you or making an opinion about you and you don't care because you are used to it. But, you are there to share your life with a person, you are going to live under the same roof for the rest of your life, and if he keeps judging you 24*7 for the way you walk, talk or speak or every little thing you do, then it becomes difficult to work on your confidence. You will rather lose what you already have.
I remember calling my mom and asking, "Mom am I too bad.. I am too ugly. Am I too unlovable? " And my mom like any other mom in the world would try to boost my confidence again. But all in vain.
Too much of rejection, judgement or criticism can demoralise you to the core, eventually you lose yourself in the process and trust me by the time you realise this, its already a very long journey to find yourself back. It’s better to be alone rather than being in a toxic relationship where someone is just pointing out flaws in you day and night.
You are a partner, not an employee on probation that you will have to be at your best behaviour when you are around the person who means the world to you. I feel you can be at your best behaviour and you put on that strong facade in front of the world, but there has to be that one person in front of whom you can just be yourself and express your random lame thoughts, foolish ideas and impossible dreams. You can be as vulnerable as you want to be without thinking twice. You can just open your heart out at any hour of the day.
6. The Repercussions are Dangerous -
A successful life is way more important than a successful career. If you and your partner are very successful in your careers but have a terrible personal life together, your kids are watching you fight day and night, then I feel all your accumulated wealth will be wasted.
Your kids might forget the expensive things they had while they were kids but those terrible fights and arguments they witness, are going to remain in their memories forever.
And the repercussions they face are all the more dangerous. They will barely respect you when they grow up, or distance themselves from you forever and that bitterness will ruin their relationship or marriage too.
And for all the above reasons, I am shocked when people suggest to plan a baby when they come to know that a couple has an unhealthy relationship already. Why would you ruin the life of an innocent child introducing him to this kind of a toxic environment ?
7. You Start Feeling Weak -
Inspite of feeling neglected, rejected or abused all the time, you are the one making all the efforts to carry on with the relationship, just because it means the world to you, then why do you feel that you are not good enough or you are weak.
Weak is the person who is in a marriage or a relationship officially but still not behaving the way he should.
If people don't have the guts to tell their family or not even you for that matter that they are not ready to get married yet, then how do these people get so much guts to misbehave so conveniently in a marriage ? What makes them take this relationship so lightly ? How does their conscious allow them to ruin the life of their partner so easily.
I believe this is the new weaker section of the society which loves to escape or run away when asked about this. Because the stronger ones do not escape or ignore, they sit down with you, talk it out and look for a solution and make efforts to make it work.
8. You Stop Expressing -
This can happen for 2 reasons-
Because your opinion or point of view is never taken into consideration. and you are forced to believe that you are always wrong you eventually stop expressing yourself.
Because the environment of the house is peaceful only till the time you keep agreeing with your partner and the time you express your feelings, there is an argument or a fight and there is a lot of tension in the house. so to avoid these situations you choose to stay mum.
But do you think this a long term solution? Or for how long would you be able to live like that? There will be a day when you would like to take an action towards whatever is happening without caring about anything else in the world. Because you know its important for the partner to realise that you can’t be wrong every time.
A marriage or a relationship is a huge challenge. If you are not ready for it, you have different priorities in life and you are so busy with your professional life that you don't have quality time to spend with your partner, don't take it.
Because in whatever country you live in, or whatever religion you follow, a person has a lot of unsaid expectations from you as a partner.
If you enter into this just because you feel it's the right age, or all your friends are getting married, or your parents want you to get married, you want someone to take care of your parents and your house then please don't. Because these are not the reasons to enter into a fully committed relationship with anyone.
Say a yes to a marriage or enter into a relationship only when YOU really feel the need for a companion to share your life with, if you are willing to replace your I for US. Say a yes only if you can plan your future with this human and are willing to grow old with him, because nobody is living here forever and nobody has time to waste by going through that trauma of separation or a divorce. If you do not respect your time and life at least have some respect for the person who is trusting you blindly for his future and his life.